i woke up in someone else’s life

this is not my beautiful house. this is not my beautiful life…

 

i find myself confused. i feel like i’m going through the motions, without even taking a second to think about all of these changes are making me feel. finally my emotions bubble up and it comes out that the only emotion I feel is resentment.

resentment towards myself for counting financially on a man, for not having a great job, for not having a social life, for not trusting a man who claims to love me.

i have resentment towards this man because i don’t think he understands me. i have resentment towards him because i’m not his first love. 

i know it’s messed up–i’ve loved before. but when i look back, how could that have been love?

how can this be love? 

we are what we repeatedly do.

i repeatedly dive into the past, collect ammunition, and vindicate myself through anger.

i’m not sure how i feel anymore. the last few days have been a complete blur.

i can see my dreams but i feel like they’re slowly slipping away from me. 

i need to refocus.

i need a good work out. i need something that’s mine.

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