today

im struggling with a lot.

i can’t get my mind off of sean and his choices that he’s made that have upset me… simone, flirting with those chapstick girls at the bar while i was there, wanting to go on a party bus without me, texting emily, and all of this dumb felicia insecurity that i have. there’s just so many things that hurt me. i’m not sure if i can let them go and just move forward with him. there are a lot of things that bother me and right now its really hard for me to just let go. he claims to have kept it real with simone, he claims that he was being a dumb drunk with those chapstick girls, he claims the party bus was just for his friends and he wanted me to go but i got off of work too late, he claims he had no intentions with emily. and that he’s never had any bad intentions with felicia either.

looking back on it all like this is really over whelming, and its making me start to realize that i either need to let all of this stuff go and move forward. or let sean go and move on with out him.

what have i done? just texted adam about sex. that’s pretty much it. maybe i lied to sean about how i knew someone i went to a concert with but i didn’t hook up with him. he’s really done a lot of things that hurt me and i just feel like crying.

i know i’m not a psycho girlfriend but i do acknowledge that some times i can be extremely insecure. i’m feeling very insecure right now and it shows. ive lost weight.. and i’m not complaining but its because of the stress that i eat less. 

i just feel hallow right now. what if sean is doing everything to fuck me over? what if he’s just using me? what if i’m just a place holder for someone else that he just hasn’t found yet?

i dont feel good enough for him and i know that i am. that’s whats frustrating. and he claims to spend money and time on me and no one else. yeah that’s true but how do you treat other women? how fast will take you to leave me for someone else?

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