what a long day…

i have a lot to get out, so i’m hoping my computer doesn’t freeze on me in the middle of this!

worked a full 8 today. exhausting but very rewarding. i’m getting bumped up for the holiday season… which means steadier hours, more experience, and a pay raise! woo hoo.

i open tomorrow and work a small shift so i’m off at 2. pretty stoked, this means i’ll be able to work out in the afternoon! i also have wednesday off, which i’m thoroughly going to enjoy. plan on cooking, doing a little grocery shopping (and by “little” i mean only getting stuff i desperately need cause i’m so fucking broke right now).

i had taco bell tonight. i really need to stop eating fast food and just stick to eating at home… it’s definitely healthier and cheaper on my wallet. things i should probably get are: carrots (to cook with), mushrooms, bread?, jelly?, sausage for jambalaya, more fish?….

i saw the DILF again last night. kind of ironic because i was in the middle of texting one of my good friends from back home how much i really like this kid. i was lamenting about how he’s kind of whatever, has a child, and is really distant to me. her one bit of advice that stuck with me was that if i was being hesitant or making myself emotionally unavailable, he was reading that and in turn being cold towards me… not even half an hour after that conversation ended, he drunk dialed me.

i used to get annoyed when guys would drunk dial me. but after being on the calling end, ive come to realize your drunk self makes contact with the people who you really want to see the most. he called me and slurred if he could come over. i told him yes and guided his drunk ass here. thank god for GPS.

he got here around 2 and reeked like bacardi. but he’s a really sweet guy with a big heart. we hooked up and passed out until about 10 this morning and then he went home. he told me he had work but later on told me it was because his daughter was home…

memorable comments he made to me throughout the night include:

  • “you know i’m like in love with you, right?”,
  • “i thought the last time i was here you just wanted to hook up and never talk to me again.”,
  • “i’m not your type. you like guys who listen to scary kids scaring kids and chiodos.”,
  • “you’re a girl i’ve had the most feelings for the quickest.”,
  • “i like your butt, your tits, your hair, your voice… i can’t find one imperfection on you.”

so i’m going to take this as signs that he actually does like me and when he was here, i made it a point to be affectionate and loving and all that cutesy stuff.

he doesn’t bombard with me texts, which is really nice actually now that i think about it. some guys are just super hooked and wanna see me ASAP *cough* ryan *cough* augie…. but my expectations of communication will definitely rise if i see him more. at least some good morning/night type shit… lol. i mean i AM a girl and stuff like that makes me feel fuzzy inside :)

on another note, i’m back on okstupid. ive given out my number once to this guy named sam. he’s my age (i think, either that or 23), works at the sleep train arena, and smokes weed. we’re in the process of making plans :)

also, my sister is moving out of her house. kind of shocking and weird cuz she’s been living there the past two years. i think it’ll be a nice change for her. i think when she lived alone previously, she wasn’t ready. now she has libby and a renewed sense of self, i think. :)

i found some stuff out about her boyfriend. she told me that he’s been living with her rent-free and she’s been covering it. he is just over 24/7, playing video games in their room. how frustrating that must be to not have a space of your own, especially as a lady. i wish her the strength and confidence to do what she knows is best for her own soul.

i hate when i judge people too soon. there’s a girl i work with, i used to be such a bitch to her because she dished it to me. but now she’s so sweet and nice and i can’t help but thinking that i was just misunderstanding her.

holidays are coming up. i want a boyfriend but i haven’t found the right one yet… told alina last night that the next guy i do make my boyfriend will probably end up being my baby daddy. i’m in no rush to get into a relationship because i want to make sure i’m committing myself to a guy i absolutely adore and could not be with out.

i’m also still figuring out myself right now. i’m starting to learn that when people are in periods of transition, they can’t be in a relationship. how can you commit to someone when you aren’t capable of even figuring out what you have to offer for someone else to commit to? i would love to find a guy i could just hang with, smoke weed with, have adventures with, and love. it will happen in due time. i just have to keep the faith and work on my own self progress…


i love how…

no one ever reads this. so i can pretty much write whatever the fuck i want.

short day today. so i’m already home from work. wondering what i should do with the rest of my day.

laundry, for sure.

work out, definitely.

but other than that, i guess i’ll try not stuffing my face with junk food. sounds harder thank you think.

i’m really excited for this weekend! i have social plans!! yay! with my sister (and company), my roommate (and company), and a coworker (and company). should be interesting. lol. i know a lot of people are against mixing different social groups together but right now i feel like the more, the merrier. i really don’t have a best friend right now so i feel like it’s every man (or woman) for himself. if that makes sense? lol. i’m so used to hanging around with couples or at least with girls who have SOs.

on saturday, i’m meeting up with the management from work. really excited about that. i got promoted for the winter season to a sales lead, thank fucking god. even if it’s temporary, at least it’s a change and i will have some sort of line of authority. 


it’s around noon here and i just woke up about a half an hour ago. still trying to recollect the details from last night.

there’s this guy named Jordan. he’s my age. really attractive, kinda serious, pretty funny. i feel like we get along great. he told me that i made him nervous. which i kind of brushed off as a joke (like i do with everything. note to self: take other people more seriously some times). 

we had hung out once a couple of weeks ago. we just smoked a blunt and then we made out. the make out session was alright, i was starting to get fired up when i realized that i was still on my period. so as soon as we got into a grinding position, i suggested his leave.

the following two weeks were kind of weird. he would hit me up and then i would flake. and vice versa. yesterday it just so happens that he called me, after not texting for a couple of days, asking me if i wanted to see him last night. i would have been lying if i said no. bonus points for him for calling me and not texting. 

it worked out perfectly because yesterday was the first day of my work weekend. his phone call got my butt motivated and to the gym. but during my workout he called and said he would be heading over an hour and a half early! i told him to just wait :/ 

when 10 finally rolled around, he showed up. looking hot as fuck. we went to my room and we kept making out on and off while he rolled 2 blunts. we smoked one and started hooking up.

not sure why but i was just not feeling like super duper horny… like i felt amazing but i just couldn’t stay wet! his dick is AMAZING. it’s nice and big and juicy. but as soon as we stuck it in (condom on, of course), i would just dry up like the sahara :(

this ended up being really frustrating to me. so i told him that i didn’t really feel like having sex. he said, “ok” with kind of a fake smile and we cuddled. 

he pulled me into his chest, wrapped his arms around me, and he asked me what was wrong.

i told him that i had no idea. i just wasn’t in the mood.. you know how girls sometimes get like that? 

he said he was sad because i had told him i wanted to hook up with him but i really didn’t.

i told him that i thought i that was what i wanted but in the heat of the moment, turns out it wasn’t.

he didn’t know how to feel about that.

i told him that i’m not the type of girl to just throw myself around during sex, i actually want to like the guy i’m hooking up with.

he advised i was thinking way too much about everything (typical guy stuff. but probably spot on). he told me that he thought he was disappointing me, which made me sad but relieved.

we eventually started hooking up again and things ended up nicely ;)

he’s a great cuddler. like omg. he just wants to be snuggled up next to you. and he’s really fucking warm. and he smells good. but jesus christ, does he snore. he’s really loud too. but i eventually grew so tired, i drowned it out.

he ended up staying until about a quarter to 7, which is fine by me. he woke up, sat on his phone for a bit, got dressed, kissed me on my sleepy forehead, and walked himself out.

i woke up this morning about 4 and a half hours later, sore from my work out yesterday, and happy from finally having been laid in a month!

i do have a hickey/bite mark on my left collarbone. i have noticed that’s a popular place for guys to leave their marks…. 

anywho. joshua is in rehab for opiate painkillers (who knew?). colton (the dude who’s motorcycle i rode on) is super flakey, unfortunately, and he’s leaving for the navy in a month :(

oh, before i forget. Jordan has a 4 yr old daughter.