today is a sad day

today is a sad day

just found out that this gorgeous creature (who is only a year older than me) has two children and is married to one hideous woman. i know that’s a horrible thing to say but WTF. she looks like a 40 year old horse.


found a picture to confirm that she is in fact a 45 year old horse. i’m 21. he’s 22 and he’s has TWO children with this woman.

life is weird, idn’t?

11:11

i should be going to bed right around now but i have some things i need to get out…

had a store meeting tonight. 941 knows whats up! i love my job, the women i work with, and company i work for. LOFT has been there for me for well over a year now and every day i learn something new. my job isn’t just a job… it’s a place to express myself, share ideas, and grow as a woman.

school has been put on a back burner but now i’m going to hit it full force. 

tomorrow i WILL complete the first draft of my resume and it WILL be submitted to ANN Inc by the end of this week.

had an amazing workout today. my new workout shoes are AMAZING and my shin splits aren’t as bad anymore… if anything they’re nonexistent. i love running and i am finally starting to get back into it. i’m no where near the 4 to 5 miles a day run like i used to be but i’ll be there soon.

as far as my love life goes… my dry spell after dating John and that one horrible date with Alex (see “virgin”) has ended. when it rains, it pours. most interestingly is that nemo is practically doing backflips to hang out with me… i like it when i make them grovel. pathetic men. MUAHAHAHAH! 

to be honest, i have something on my mind more important than sex right now (although i will say that my current boy toy is amazing) and that’s my future. what ive started to realize is that when i focus on what’s to come, my present has to keep up. i can be a competitive person when it comes down to something that i really want and i challenge myself with the goal of being successful (in my own concept).

there’s a quote that i love that says “if your goals don’t scare you, they’re not big enough.” and honest to god, i’m frightened of the future almost to the point where i sometimes think about what it would  be like to take the easy route. but that shitty thought goes away because i’m hungry. i need change and i am my own catalyst and that’s all i’ll ever be. all that i can give to myself is the moxie to push harder and go further than i’ve ever gone before. i can give myself opportunities that no one else can and i can take them.

life, like dating men, is like a ladder. always elevate yourself because to keep climbing is intimidating but not as difficult as hitting the ground.

monday

it’s the third week of my last semester of college. today was supposed to be my big day to do things, as it was my day off from class because presidents day. however, i picked up a midday shift at work today and that turned my plans upsidedown. so now tomorrow is my day to do things! i have class in the morning… then i’m off to the library to work on my resume to submit to my prospective internship, edit my lit review for a partner of mine, and do some reading and spanish homework. then i’ll hit the gym. come home and maybe strength train… hopefully take a nap. hit the bank. and then head into work for a closing shift.

right now i’m supposed to be heading to the gym… but i thought i’d give my blog a little lovin’.

yesterday nemo came to pick up his “shit”. lol. he had left his glasses and a hat here months ago and they’ve been in my possession as collateral… a few nights ago, we finally came to terms that we’d probably never start hooking up again. i assume he’s now dating that girl from the instagram and he can assume that i’ve started to sleep with someone else. 

he pulled up in his new harley on a bright sunday morning… i had just finished cleaning my room and i hear the door ring. raisin bounces to the crack in the door as i pull it open and there he is. tall, tan, and buff. he has his dark tinted ray bans on and a classic biker helmet. he also grew out his facial hair into a chin strap. he pulls me in for a hug and hangs on for what seems like hours. we let go and it seems like all of the other times that i’ve greeted him at the door… i turn and he follows me to my room. i quickly give him his stuff and nearly sit down on my bed to invite him into a conversation. i stop myself and push him down the hall way, back towards the front door. i swing it open and let the bright sun hit our legs. he faces me and sticks his right hand into my sweatshirt pocket and gives it a tug. i look up at his face, his sunglasses still on. i want to kiss him as he pulls me closer but i hug him instead. as we part, i bite my lip and look up at him seductively (without intention, mind you… he just puts a spell over me and i can’t help it). “god, you’re so hot.” i compliment him, “you should go.” he gives me one last look… and without saying a word he walk towards his bike. i keep the door open so i can watch him leave one last time. i lean in the door frame and watch him hop onto his harley. he looks at me and gives a blunt wave. i swing my hand once and call my dog inside. raisin pants in towards the cool house and i shut the door. 

and that’s that.

god, nemo. you looked so fucking good! i wanted to just climb on top of you and kiss you right then and there!

i wanted to tell him good luck… or whatever the fuck you say to people whenever you’re breaking up with them. but i suck at that type of stuff….

oh, well. now it’s time to take a crap, find some weed scraps to smoke in my car (LOL–dont judge!), and hit the gym.

bonsoir! 

couch flow

Armchair chillin, Ass is sore from donkey kicks
Tore it up and took a lick
Honey hair and a thick, white….
Pill.
my daily dose.
20 mils and a powdered nose
faded,
on my level. typing strange flows
Beer pong, friends, but no Mary Jane.
High on life feels really strange